Your Journey Starts Here
Every Experience has a story. I was blessed with what could be considered a relatively normal childhood. My family was not dysfunctional and everything in my life just happened. I graduated from university and got married. Over the course of my life, my relationship has been my greatest teacher as it has been filled with huge challenges that in the past I didn’t know how to handle. Within the first 2 years of my relationship, we were already drifting apart. At the 7 year mark, we struggled with so much more than the proverbial “7-year itch” as separation and divorce were talked about. My joy for life was slowly being eroded and all that was left was an empty shell of myself. The pressures of living in the modern lifestyle left me in severe depression, as a result, I required extensive medication to help me cope and finally when I hit rock bottom I realised I had to change myself and I started seeking help. I was fortunate enough to meet an alternative energy healer who slowly unlocked my mind and started the wheels of change within me. From there on after years of actively studying and practicing different forms of healing arts for my physical, mental and spiritual growth, I realized that there are so many more out there suffering as I did and that I had to share my knowledge and experience. I had to help others make the change and I had to do more in the world. To provide guidance where possible and to show others the paths towards healing, bliss has been my overall passion and focus as these had helped me through some of my most trying times. My belief is that you can build a life, a relationship, a marriage, that is healthy wholesome and thriving. I invite you to join me on this journey of rediscovery.
Time and time again, a client walks into my practice, desperately seeking change. The way they approach their lives is from a place of pain and negativity. They keep focusing on why they CANT achieve the outcomes that they desire. Any solution offered will be outright rejected by their filter of CANT. About 2 years ago, a client who wanted to lose weight walked into my clinic. We explored the areas of his outcomes and at every possible solution offered he had had an objection. He gave me 3 different reasons why he can’t maintain the strategies for the outcome he desired. His deeper psychological processes of thinking kept him as a “VICTIM” as to why he can’t lose weight.
Physically he was able to execute the desired program to achieve the results he sought, however on a deeper emotional level he did not really want to change. The key difference is to distinguish. For example between CAN’T and WON’T.
CAN’T is a concept that is relatively not possible by any means. “I wish to grow wings and fly like a bird”. The probability of that happening is extremely unlikely and therefore induce a response of YOU CAN’T DO THAT.
When it comes to relationships, no matter how difficult the situation is, the question to ask is can we learn new skills in order to work through it? Can you learn to rediscover the long lost intimacy that was once there?
In most cases, the doors are always open to explore and discover new aspects of your relationship that can yield satisfaction, success, and fulfilment. The question is, will you NOT step through that door because you CAN’T or because you WON’T?
What do you think distinguishes high achievers from the rest of the pack? It is a resilient mindset that” no matter what, we keep moving forward toward our desired outcome”.
IT isn’t necessarily easy and we are likely to hit plenty of walls and challenges along the way. However, what defines us is an attitude on how we approach a situation and events when we face these challenges.
How does one achieve a resilient mindset? Quite simple you develop it.
I get a lot of calls from the public asking me if I can “FIX” their spouses or partner as their emotional or physical needs are not being met. Do I have a magic wand that will enable their partner to become that perfect soul mate that they truly desire? My response to them generally is, let start working on your own potential first. Let us map the life that you see yourself having with your partner and then create that change within you. We all can improve and grow! Have you reached your maximum potential in life? Where are you not showing up in your relationship and in your own aspirations? Are you always playing the victim? By aspiring to be something greater then you are now, to grow and to develop, will create a more satisfied you. The more satisfied you are in your life, the more you can redefine your relationship to what you imagined it to be. When you have a personal sense of worth, self-growth you become more attractive and vibrant as a person. If you choose to walk away and continue to put the responsibility of your relationship onto your partner, you will remain stuck and stagnant. Most people stop continuing to grow in life after they reach a comfort zone. In that comfort zone, we fall into stagnation. If you are stagnant, your relationship is stagnant! A stagnant person is not an attractive person.
As you start to redefine yourself from a growth perspective, the energy and attitudes that you bring towards:
How you show up in your relationship and in life and how you define yourself, and how you interact with the world are new elements that you bring to your relationship.
We are all seeking connection to another being on a fundamental level! Just as we need food to sustain our physical body, we need “connection” to nourish our relationships. Without connection, a relationship can’t survive. Connection forms one of the 6 basic human needs in all individuals, across all religions, cultures, and races. When there is a lack of connection in our relationship, we will start to seek it elsewhere. Some will find it in work, others in hobbies and entertainment and some in another person. When we do not get the connection we need, we feel like we are starving for attention. The longer this disconnect goes on, the more the relationship suffers. We can classify connection in two very distinct areas of human needs,
Emotional and Physical Connection. These two areas are most of the time misunderstood by partners in a relationship. Women generally require more of an emotional connection and men a physical one. This mismatch and failure to understand and communicate the needs in the different type of connections create the “disconnect” between two people.
In a typical relationship, most men will perceive a physical connection as having sex. It is true that sex does form part of this type of connection, but it is not limited to that. If one has to engage with their physical 5 senses, we can expand the definition of physical connection to these senses. Snuggling, holding, kissing massages can all relate to the sense of touch. Likewise engaging with the other senses, such as looking attractive for your partner is a form of reinforcing the physical connection. Caring touch creates safety and warmth. Our biological systems are hardwired for this type of connection. Since the time of our birth, as a baby, we seek out our mothers soothing touch, as a result, when touched in a caring way we release the “love” chemical oxytocin and other feel-good chemicals in the brain. The brain creates a reward circuit associating the person giving the caring touch to that of safety, calm and a general feeling all is well. This in turns strengthens the bond between the couple.
“Having your emotional needs met starts with sharing and caring for your partner. A person who feels loved, cared for and appreciated is far more likely to reciprocate in kind”.
So emotional connection comes from and is nurtured by the sense that you have each other’s best interests at heart. You feel supported and are protective of each other.
Every conversation happens on two levels, the content (“the story”) and the process level ( the meaning of the story). When we learn to be clear on how best to communicate with our partners we allow them to become responsive to our needs. “ You are always sitting on the couch and watching TV while I do all the work around the house” can be argued back and forth by both parties at the factual level indefinitely without much resolution. What is missed by the statement is the emotional context that is being tried to be communicated. “I feel tired and would like to have some quality time for myself as well!” would be much more appropriate to say and in this emotional context the receiving partner can become more responsive and understanding towards his/her partner. Emotional connection is crucial in order for a couple to trust the process of working through difficulties and frustrations in the relationship.
I hope you have found this information helpful. The path to mastery is interesting, for any area. At this point, you have a basic understanding of what it takes to transform any relationship. In order to make progress, you will have to take action. Knowledge without action is worthless.
Zakir Mahomedy is a Certified BodyTalk Practitioner, who specializes in integrative healthcare, and a professional lifestyle coach. He is currently specializing in sacred sexuality. He continues to expand his skills by increasing his knowledge and practice in Traditional Chinese Medicine, QiGong, Lifeprint, Sound Healing and Sexual Wellbeing. This has allowed him to bring his unique skill sets to the public and facilitate exceptional healing.